as i flipped through the album,i noticed that actually, i am missing the good old days and it eventually leads me to feel uneasy. so to feel good, i drew a list of accomplished things in my life. it looks good and satisfying plus making me more positive. :) even though my love life is not that nice back then, but my undergraduate years save me a lot. missing you, ainn,fieza,nadia,maryam,zam, and all of yewwwwwwwwww benl students. undergraduate years back then was the best year ever. an educational one, complete with lesson that you cant buy. dear friends. what will happen if we could turn back time? i believe there must be reasons why god does not allow us to do that. so, we should be grateful and thankful to God as He do not permit such things to happen in our world..... :)
Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, Alhamdulillah, untuk segala nikmah yang telah Engkau berikan...
as i browse through the old blog, these are what i found. :p
~ why do all good things come to an end?.. ~
the journey of life…
i’ve alwiz detested change in my life. and for a gud reason too, it alwiz had me grappling wiv shock and most of the time, the repulsive emotions, and sorrow and grief. it’s not illogical to step out of the familiar and warm place u ve built for urself into the unknown. it was dis shallow way of thinking dat i alwiz had and it failed to see the side of it. until now, easier is the rite of growing up for me, bcoz of d moment of realization and growin up,im no longer the hesitant child reluctant to grow up. ive no doubt. i shall be a bit fearful but nevertheless I shall be ready to embrace the world wiv open arms and make the best of every opportunity dat comes along my way. n such is my prayer at dis moment..
no retreat, no surrender, no pain, no gain.
the journey of change wuz humbling and narrowing. it took a whole lot of me to persuade myself to make major principle change, to say dat,… intelligence wasn’t an answer to everything… and dat love was. as much as i like to think dat magnificent brains could do wonders, i came to realize dat a lot of pain in dis world is a result of over emphasis on the intellectual side of things. n d one thing dat puts me off the most frum feeling is the fact dat feelings can get hurt. using my brain will never hurt as much as feelings can. when I open my heart to feel, i become vulnerable to the world, i expose myself to betrayal, anger, disappointment, and a whole lot more . dat is y its often dat i retreat to my mind , build a brick wall around my heart hoping dat without heart , there wud be no more pain, and thus more perfect world wud exist. however, ive never realized dat when i close the doors of my heart to influence my decision, i miss out on everything. i become cold, boring and without life. school become juz studying, sports become juz winning, , music becomes juz perfection.. n satisfaction and the entire element of life is sucked out, instantly. n life loses passion n meaning. everybody grows old, but how many wud actually grow up? isn’t it ironic dat we discover sum of the most beautiful things in the most unexpected places? it teaches me so many things in my life dat ive no idea dat it wud happens in life. ponder the greatest of god is to ponder the reality of life. as ive got nothing else to do rather than to ponder…
to laugh, is the music of the soul. to forgive, is the badge of peace. n to love is the joy of life..
~ in the mood of blogging…
pathetic. how shud i end dis precious las semester, in dis beloved unforgettable uyaye eh?…………….. **sigh** (unintendedly) ;p
well i’m d one who r goin to determine it.its my life.my scene. n my pleasure la to color it eh? asal? huh btw tanx 4 all d helping hands..appreciate it sho much.
n ya of kos d most significant event wud be dat err thing.. hmm well..nice.
lotsa bitterness & happiness & joyfulness & sorrowness.n difficulties in articulating things as well in deriving justification. (wat a self-perennial problem).
ahh ape nak wat ni pasni? takkan nak dok uma jerk?? confem borink.yeah its time to do d hunting i guess…hehe
fwens out there, come come join me, celebrating the true excitement, of being a bachelorette.. khehe (wiv particular dedication to a***) lol lambat tinggal.
rite now, 0039@KUL tatau nak wat per nih ! most of my possessions are not here, coz ive successfully sent them back to epo, n now, left wiv a huge boredom, of not havin anything to do(kunun). (do ignore a moment dat im a full time undergrad) , esp wiv no reading. (mind u materials dat interest me only eh. which r apart frum d psychologically n physically challenged stuff of research articles, bulk of literature texts, blablabla )
bubbllyy bubbly bubble blurb mummblee hwwaahgh wokay nak tido dah….muaxx nite shume
post script to myself, gotta be serious na, so many assigments waiting yet having so much time berfoya foya huh.
question to ponder toniteà y in d 1st place i didn’t aware dat im taking lit kos arrghh.
reason to ponder à wejdan’s impromptu speech today on ‘being in love wiv arabic…’(afta d delivery of d expected result of d midterm)waarggh. bes seh.
the gist of the overwhelming speech à “in order to get excellent result in arabic, we need to be in love wiv arabic. its not dat i asked u to change d course, but u juz hav to know wat u r doin”. (i’m really concentrating eh?)
comment on the overwhelming speech/lecture/pembebelan à of kos ar kita juz learn d language, not to adapt their culture or their way of life lorh..taksub katanya ish ish ish.hmm it is juz a matter of gaining knowledge ustadz. nite again. hoping to sleep well 2nite..
~ the unfortunate reality ~
i am ready to spread it out, people, after those years of hiding, beneath the secrets…
a tudung isn’t look good without a brooch. That’s my own opinion anyway… but certain people could have viewed it differently, even more depth, larger perspective of it, especially from the views of the experts…what the hell I’m talking the roundabout?? I can’t explain possible reasons why am I producing jargons and nonsensical words and sentences that are out of the context, lately??? By the way, that what makes people different from each other kan? to sum people, life goes on with the prescriptive routine, tradition and steps that need to be taken…It’s quite the same to a typical girl like me, get a job, have a family, blablabla and can’t get out of it!! nevertheless, life isn’t that easy, but to sum extent, it just can be as soo easy!! by the way in my case, after years of several personal crisis that was bubbling inside me, suddenly I realized I need to face what I thought to be the real life altering decision that I NEED to make. and I was having difficulty deciding, choosing and making it real.. my mind, heart and soul are battling one another, to which path I should follow. and finally came into the result of destruction… didn’t have the strength to make the decision and continually put the problem on the back burner…choosing to ignore the inevitable…
muster up the strength, struggles with asking others for help… I’ve always wanted to take charge of my own life, but usually ended with a point of confusion, suddenly begin to feel as if surrendering might be the only recourse… that’s what friends are for, family, and of course God…. =) positioned myself under the blissfulness of God, it kept me thinking that everythings done, is with his consent & permission, own courage and thought given…thank God, at least I’m not a hypocrite…
couldn’t asked more… happy, healthy and harmony, with beloved family surrounds, the chosen friends **mind you the talam enam belas muka, backstabbers, hypocrites, munafiqs n all d pretenders are excluded eh?** and of course my great thanks to the Almighty….never been grateful than before… ^_^
~ reflections & resolutions ~
it’s time again when i shud/must/have to reflect on events of the passing year and turn to a fresh page as a new year begins… well, for the past years of course there’s no such things like this. i would not bother to make any resolutions, content to just let life come to me. i am a relatively good dodger. but, honestly, i expect it’s the year now <2007>, that i’ve to GROW UP. reflect & resolute. i need to realize, now!that i don’t have to be a moving target american dodging spit balls throw at me. i can now choose to react to things that are unpleasant by looking at them differently, by not abiding to it foolishly, and learning to say what i want, what i need,right now, and in the future.. and happily ready to leave the violent situation!
i believe there’s always room for improvement. it’s sumtimes hard to believe, but its true..it makes sense that God let ’something’ to happen… in becoming 24 this year, i shud have react as a normal 24 year old girl shud have been thinking about, or maybe are about to think.. no more regret, no more pain and no more irrelevant orders from others.. 
being the eldest, the only girl, responsibilities towards family never change…as i’m reflecting and making resolutions, life must go on.. finding, recognizing and developing the talents & intelligents inside are not easy… i shud have been successful in following my passion and discover where i fit in this world of challenge… and never fails..not that unwelcomed bunch of sympathy and pretentiousness…
to whom it may concern, i’m tired of explaining things, keep on silent and throwing that fake smile and being as dumb as ever.seriously, its not the time to play the ‘blame game’ over & over again. people who don’t feel it by themselves, will never knew, how it feels, and don’t have the rights to blame, to speak and unconsciously being stupid, without proves, & without relevant judgement and justification. "dear friends, being honest about the things that could harm our relationship is not wrong. i am just focusing on changing my defeating patterns rather than expecting changes from that side… <<
for me, everybody’s situation is different..everybody’s needs are different..and i think by seriuously consider any steps that can counteract the effects, it will help myself and the people… and it may be years also….
me…rediscover the confidence & strength…
* life was very hard and tough during those time........ :(
January 29th, 2008 at 9:24 am edit
Well perhaps im the first person to drop by.. & post u a comment… Wow.. its awesome to see someone like u…
expressing yourself & writing a whole bag of story’s.. u really amuse me…. sharing a part of your daily life..
its not because to say that.. i’m from perak.. and therefore it’s a must for me to prise those fellow perak people all the way… across the rail road..
But its because your story telling makes people more interested in knowing you… you have the ultimate passion in expressing your intelligence to others.. thats what i’m proud of… and as a friend… its absolutely a pleasure to see you have that special talent of yours… inside you
I guess its the end of the line here…gtg & fly off now tata….
~Take Care Dye~ Oxoxox..
*May God Bless You*
(From..your friendly neighborhood friend FaDziL)
January 31st, 2008 at 5:43 am edit
thanks fadzil.
btw, u r not the first commentor. ;p
coz u know what?
ive deleted all of them.
just for the sake of. fun.
thanks again.
January 31st, 2008 at 10:08 am edit
Gosh..! Seriously? haha wicked… Well having a bit of fun shouldn’t be a problem… would it? as a matter a fact… its part of our lifetime too… for goodness sake….
huhu…
~Take Care Dye~ Oxoxox..
*May God Bless You*