she's warming-up, wohoo.

Reality? - Checked.

It feels like Friday. I guess I’m already in the weekend mode. My appreciations for myself, family & friends are huge today. I’ve just been pondering how blessed I am to be surrounded by their love and understanding. And my appreciation for those friends who have come back into my life in the past couple of months is indescribable. I lost touch for so many years with people who were not only important to me, I rarely knew a day without either seeing them, or at very least, hearing their voice. Now, because of Facebook (I know, I know), many of us have found each other and are part of each other’s lives again. And because of Facebook also, i rarely blog nowadays. Chehh salahkan FB plak padahal malasss! Ahhaaha but yeah seriously since i've a become a mother, not much i can do to fill my spare time apart from changing nappies, feeding her, watching Barney all the time, cooking & doing the house-chores.
No more time for blogging, but thanks to FB & twitter, as we are able to share the joys of becoming a three-zero and continue to be part of all of these new experiences that mold us. Marriage, motherhood, careers. We’ve changed jobs, gone back to school, moved great distances, juggled our lives and yet, basically held each other up.
But as for now, i need to start writing again so that i can polish whatever in my head yg sudah berkarat itew.

Love, Diyana.

M.O.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D

Coffee? More coffee please. Most moms would know that feeling you get when you’ve been awakened several times during the night and then you wake up again and realize the sun is up and the night is over and you have no more time to sleep and you have to start your day and make it fabulous for several people other than yourself and your limbs are numb and your eyes won’t focus. Life is so good and grand and great. No doubt. But sometimes, everyone around you has expected and taken so much from you that there is literally nothing left for you. That’s where I am today.


Yeah. That’s where I am today. There are a lot of things that have made it under my radar in the past few months. Like my wicked eyebrows that almost manage to almost converge into one solid hairy line across my forehead. I am just locked in a place of wanting more time to myself and time away from mommy-hood. For just a second. But this is the reality. I am a mother now to a beautiful baby girl which will reach her five months in a week time. How time flies. Where does the time go?

I just love my baby to bits as i have never been apart with her even for a day. I believe this is the mysteries of the universe unsolved. God created moms to be like that even though these things happens.

How can I love someone so much who’s only been alive for 4 ½ months? I have lettuce in my fridge older than that. How can I love someone so much who’s constantly grabbing fistfuls of my hair and pulling REALLY HARD? How can I love someone so much whose idea of fun is cramming her socks into her mouth? How can I change a sopping wet diaper without opening both eyes when I can’t cross my bedroom without banging my shin on the bed? How can the baby nurse, burp, and repeat without opening her eyes when she couldn’t find her own foot until recently?How can I be bored to tears some days when I’m too busy to brush my teeth?

How can I be lonely when I am never alone anymore?

How can I be giddily happy and so sad I can’t breathe in the same day?

How can the baby be crying hysterically one second and dead asleep the next?

How come on the rare occasions the baby sleeps through the night I’m wide awake worrying that
something’s wrong?

Hah.. Please don't answer that. By the way, this is how life have been up to as a full time breastfeeding mommy who loves to take caffeinated drinks.
Let me walk you through the following snippet of my daily life:

5:29 a.m.: Awake to the sound of baby’s hungry cry.
5:42 a.m.: Cries getting louder. Guess she’s not going back to sleep.
5:44 a.m.: Feed baby.
5:56 a.m.: Burp baby.
5:58 a.m.: Feed baby.
6:08 a.m.: Burp baby.
6:09 a.m.: Realize too late that I forgot burp cloth to catch spit-up spewing from baby’s mouth.
6:10 a.m.: Another bodily fluid spews from another part of baby. Still no burp cloth in sight to absorb leakage.
6:12 a.m.: Wait for next diaper explosion sure to follow. No sense rushing to change it too soon.
6:15 a.m.: Change baby’s diaper and clothing.
6:20 a.m.: Change mother’s clothing and, if necessary, bedding.
6:25 a.m.: Baby dirties another diaper. Should’ve waited longer to change previous one.
6:30 a.m.: Realize we are out of baby wipes.
6:31 a.m.: Bright-eyed baby shows no signs of going back to bed.
6:36 a.m.: Baby spits up on shirt.
6:37 a.m.: Change baby’s clothing.
6:42 a.m.: Play with baby on floor.
6:59 a.m.: Baby falls asleep on play mat. Transferring her to crib will allow mother to shower and/or eat breakfast, but will almost surely wake and anger her. Decide not to attempt it.
From 7 a.m. on: Repeat above sequence many, many times throughout the day. Remain unshowered and bla bla bla.

Of course, it eventually gets easier. Sort of. I can now shower while my baby’s awake with the help from my mom and mom in-laws. The baby usually entertains herself long enough for me to do a cursory cleansing of most parts of my body. But not long enough to fully rinse the conditioner out of my hair, mind you. And shaving my legs is out of the question.

Well. that's the experience you won't get anywhere.